Buying the New Yorker 1996 - page 36

The website for Endless Pools is still up, and the photo from the print ad is one of the photos in the loop on the home page. I've never quite understood these things, because I've always figured that if you can afford to get one because you don't have the space for a regular sized pool, you can probably afford to move to a place where you can. And if you can't, why not join a gym? Of course I can't crunch the numbers - you need to log in and request the informational DVD before they will share costs and particulars with you.

"As seen in Paris" could easily be "My nephew went on a school trip to France and I forced him to walk around in one of these for an hour." Clark's Register does not seem to be offering these cardigans anymore. They do have tons of other stuff. They seem to be marketing to men in their mid-to-late thirties who like to think of themselves as fashionable yet casual slackers even though they are earning in the upper five figures and the neighborhood children think that they are dorks. In other words, once I get a promotion, me.

This ring is made of three different colored bands of gold. The picture is in black and white. Advertising genius or huge mistake? You be the judge. The jeweler (Marc Simon) seems to have gone out of business.

Classic Journeys is still around and they've expanded to include "Culinary Tours" and "Family Journeys." The "Culinary Tours" look more focused on the "hands-on learning" rather than the "we're going to go from restaurant to restaurant and in between we will wheel you over to the sights so you can burp at them." By "Family Journeys," they mean bring your kids.

"We've scouted out cool stuff like a nighttime safari, mountain biking on the wide medieval walls of an Italian city, and rafting down the Flathead River. Choose our family vacation package and get your hands dirty in craft sessions with local artisans... and join kid-sensitive tours of must-see landmarks. And if you worry about picky appetites, stop. We find the local specialties kids love -- pizza, fondue, picnic fare -- as well as plenty of chances for the adventuresome to try new tastes."

The phrase "kid-sensitive tours of must-see landmarks" just gave me a headache.

Geographic Expeditions looks a lot more hardcore. And a lot more expensive. But on the plus side I'll bet that during the 25 days that you can spend semi-circumnavigating Antarctica on an icebreaker, you won't be bothered by a squadron of young schmedleys whining about how they want Chuck E Cheese or they won't eat at all. Or if you do, you can watch in quiet reverie as their hunger ratchets up to the point where they start gobbling down a bucket of chum.